Friends seem to come and go throughout the trajectory of our lives. In some instances, they may stay, and others may drift away slowly.
When transitioning into different stages of life, it becomes exceedingly harder to maintain cherished relationships that had once been top priority.
Whether they sit right next to you in class or live a million miles away, you must work to sustain a friendship. This is easier said than done.
“Get comfortable with conflict,” Ms. Bauman said. “Conflict doesn’t have to mean fighting. Rather, it is dissonance between what we think we want or need and what we’re getting — discussion of how you and I need and want different things right now.”
You must ask yourself:
- Am I holding on to something that isn’t there anymore?
- Am I expecting unrealistic exceptions?
- By maintaining this friendship, has this taken a toll on me?
Before tense and strenuous conversations arise, there needs to be a solid and structured foundation for the relationship. Despite the misconception, the immediate time and commitment towards a friendship does not always need to be equally reciprocated, but rather balanced over the long term. Throughout the years, people will become busier, and their lives will only become more complicated. There will be moments where you give seventy percent and get only thirty in return. The opposite may occur as well. Again, ask yourself: Are you ok with this?
If the answer is no, that is perfectly okay. You have the choice to either advocate for changes according to your values or allow yourself to move on. The bond that you and another person share will not always be under your control, and outgrowing a relationship is human nature. Realizing that it may not serve you is the key to dealing with that sudden loss. It is a common occurrence for nearly everyone — even Ms. Bauman — to lose a childhood friend.
“I don’t have any negative feelings or positive feelings, really, about that person and that experience,” Ms. Bauman said. “I just have sort of a memory of how that was the foundation in my life.”
